Speaker says both bullies and those bullied need help overcoming fears
By Doris Benavides Catholic News Service
ANAHEIM, Calif. (CNS) -- Become advocates and drop authoritarian methods to help both bullies and bullied students overcome their fears, advised author Jodee Blanco.
She spoke to a standing-room-only crowd at an April 15 presentation during the National Catholic Educational Association's 2009 convention at the Anaheim Convention Center.
She urged those teachers who do not want to seek solutions for the growing problem of bullying in classrooms to take a sabbatical and pay attention to what God is telling them about their vocation.
The victim turned activist told the educators to avoid punishing students who admit fault and instead revisit the situation "as advocates and not authoritarians, otherwise the student will lose trust and won't open (up) ever again," she said.
Blanco shared her experience of being a student outcast, tormented by classmates from grade school through high school, and how she turned the situation around to become a best-selling author of "Please Stop Laughing at Me ... One Woman's Inspirational Story," published in 2003.
She has since written a sequel, "Please Stop Laughing at Us ... One Survivor's Extraordinary Quest to Prevent School Bullying," published in 2008.
Blanco's approach is to address a demand for information and solutions to a psychological problem many times ignored or mistreated by education authorities because of a lack of education and knowledge about it.
According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, about 30 percent of youths in the United States -- more than 5.7 million -- are involved in bullying as a target, a bully or both. The problem is most common in grades 6-10 and exists in both public and Catholic schools.
"Bullying is very common in Catholic schools, and teachers need to learn how to manage each situation that many times we try to ignore" said Sister Maria Elvia Gonzalez, a Sister Servant of the Blessed Sacrament and a school principal who attended Blanco's workshop.
"I see students come to my office because they have been bullied for their physical appearance, for their economic status or even for the way they dress," said Sister Gonzalez, principal of Our Lady of Guadalupe Academy in Calexico in the Diocese of San Diego.
Children and teenagers whose parents provide them little emotional support, fail to monitor their activities, or have little involvement in their lives are at greater risk for engaging in bullying behavior, according to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center.
The federal agency found that extreme discipline styles at home -- either permissive or harsh -- could result in children's bullying behavior.
Studies have found that bullied children and teens are typically anxious, insecure and cautious, and suffer from low self-esteem. When confronted by bullies, they either rarely defend themselves or they retaliate. They often lack social skills and tend to be isolated. Bullying also has been associated with suicide.
Blanco said bullies suffer from what she calls an empathy-deficit disorder. "Their empathy is atrophied," she said. These children need help developing empathy for others, which can be done with practice, she said.
She suggested that, rather than being punished, tormentors should be taken to places where they can serve other people with special needs and they should then write about the experience.
"Punishment only makes a cold heart freeze and die," she said.
When dealing with the bullied child, the author stressed the importance of communication between teachers and students. She urged teachers to create an environment of emotional credibility by trying to place themselves in children's shoes and to be careful with the words they use.
"Kids are literal," she said.
When dealing with a parent, Blanco recommended a teacher present the problem without classifying the child. If the child is already being treated by mental health specialists, she said a teacher should suggest the parent "aggressively seek" a second or third opinion, especially if medications are prescribed.
"Meds can save," she said, but what these children need "are friends."
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